The past few months were the most difficult in my life. I I have lived through a lot in my life including witnessing the atrocities of the civil war in Lebanon, where women and girls were raped, living under Saddam’s Regime where the Iraqi police arrested my nine-year-old friend, surviving a suicide bomb attack on my life in which four of my bodyguards were killed. So what happened during these few month?
|How I Looked, During, The Last Few Months|
On the personal level, for the first time, since 2005, I felt my heart was beating again. I was drawn to someone in a way that I have not felt before since I lost Bill. He provided a sense of protection. My special person asked me to give him a chance which I did, but he never took it. He asked me for another chance and he didn’t take it either.
I concluded that perhaps he is happy where he is and doesn’t want a commitment of any kind. At the end, I was hurt. I had to stop seeing him.
When I told my son, he said “Mom, it is his loss. I didn’t like him anyways. He was the controlling type.” My son had met him briefly.
My son went out of his way to find friends for me that I could hang out with. I have spent some time in the area, but I work most of the time and I am not allowed to socialize with co-workers. So my son found some friends for me.
|Tears Became Like a Close Friend of Mine.|
Later, my son found some volunteer opportunities and I found myself volunteering at the Art Center in Pacific Grove.
My son downloaded the Pokémon Go on my phone, so as I can have fun when I walk. He said, “You will have something to come back to.” He was right. I enjoyed the game and I found a Pokémon that looks like Trump and showed to friends. We had a big laugh about it.
|My Son the True Hero|
On the professional level, I was tasked with changing people’s mind. My mission was and still is to help people choose between what is easy and what is right. Usually, if you try to help people to see what is right, you face confrontations, arguments, resistance, lack of cooperation, and attempts to hinder progress at all cost.
Coming back home, after a long and hard day, my son would hug me and say, “My mom is a heroine.” Sometimes, I find a nice dinner waiting for me. Lately, I stopped eating at work. Even though I worked extra hours, I only drank coffee ate some fruits and nuts.
The most beautiful gift my son gave me was when he made me my soy latte, which I drink every day as breakfast. He heated a cup of soy milk in the microwave till it boiled and then added two teaspoons of instant coffee, and it was the perfect cup of soy latte. This kind and simple gesture made my day.
But when it rains it pours. Recently, someone with authority decided to persecute me because they can. They might have mistaken my baby face with weakness and my accent for naivety. I was rocked to my core. Every innocent act I did was twisted and interpreted in the worst possible way. My son was there for me.
He was the only one who stood by me. He said, “Mom, believe in yourself; you got this. You are a winner,” My son gave me the power to defend myself; to present the truth. I held his picture with me all the time. I hid it under my jacket, close to my heart, and each time, I had a chance I would look at it and hold it.
When I was afraid and shaken, my son tucked me in my bed. My son gave the strength I needed to carry on, and I did prevail.
You can say I prevailed because I presented the truth, or I had strength and endurance, but the truth is I prevailed because of my son. I drew strength from him.
I guess relief comes from an unexpected source.